A few words before we go.
Click the picture above to watch and listen to our gabbing about what our upcoming Ayahuasca experience may be like at Rythmia. We’re not sure. We’re kinda freaked out (Kelly, my wife, more so). Luckily for me, I think my brain is on a “time-lapse”, so when something frightening happens, by the time I click-in, it’s already past. The event is over, and I’m OK. I think its kinda like non-skid breaks or an airbag; a built-in protection mechanism.
So, why freak out? Mostly, because the fear and anticipation of facing yourself and your scary monsters becomes very real very fast. And what may you find in that closet full of skeletons said the ghost? Hmmmmmm.
It’s the same reason we don’t say “sorry”, or stop and talk to beggars , or look at someone in a wheelchair, or don’t deeply look into someones eyes and connect. It’s because we’re not comfortable with ourselves, with who we are, because we really don’t know ourselves, we haven’t cultivated pure love, self-love, selfless love for others and ourselves. Something got in the way, something closed our hearts at some point in our lives, even if it was just for a minute. And when that moment happened, when we were a little kid, a teen, a adult, our hearts changed, we changed, we lost our innocence. Something happened that took it all away in a flash, and we are forever changed from that moment forward.
Unfortunately, we sometimes don’t remember what it was that shook us so deeply, badly, and sadly. Some of us know exactly what that moment was, and we never forget it. It still burns and hurts, When we think of it, we shake, we tremble, sob or get viciously angry. We carry this burden and it affects everything, your relationships, your work, your life.
But…there is light and self-love.
There is an access point to find the key that just might change the way you feel about this incident, this crime, this obstacle that has affected the way you have behaved and interacted your whole life. Mostly, it probably has changed the way you feel about “you”.
This first/single incident has coloured your perspective, your thoughts, your thinking. Just like a pool ball that gets hit by another ball and suddenly is projected in a whole new direction and path of trajectory. This is life, constantly being pulled our pushed in directions by events and things you want to happen and things you don’t want to happen.
But, you didn’t want or ask for that negative life-changing event early in your life to happen did you? You didn’t even know it was coming probably. It just happened. And now here you are all grown up and its come along for the ride all these years. Maybe its time to get rid of it? That would be a very good idea indeed.
I was lucky enough to learn how to self-heal myself, but it took me the better part of my life floundering and self-medicating my pain through work, sex, alcohol and drugs. I carried around a lot of pain, and it showed in many ways, and the best escape, the only escape was numbing myself in a not-so-good way. Only when I exhausted that road and fell to my knees I sought help. This is where I decided to go inward and find my true-self. I started looking for the root causes of my suffering and learned from others, found teachers and meditated and meditated and meditated.
Here is what I was taught from a monk in Thailand who I learned to love:
Johan, the Dean (second in command of the Monastery of forty monks), a kind beautiful loving soul of a man in his early fifties took a shine to me, especially when he found out I could fix and build just about anything. One day while replacing a roof on a Kuti (tree-fort on stilts in the forest), he asked me what has been bothering me since I entered the monastery. His eyes looked deep into my soul and there was no hiding, he could feel my whole being. So, like a little school, I started rambling on about my life.
As he intently listened with pure presence and love, he put his hand on my shoulder and gave me the following lesson (monks love to do this)
1- Meditate for as long as it takes to become still (use my cheat sheet here if you like) until when you are peaceful and quiet and your mind is steady and calm. Stay in this peace for another 5 minutes or so just to make sure your mind is completely free and open.
2- Now slowly walk bath in your mind as far back as you can in your life to your earliest memory. Really dig deep. Think of your earliest memory, the very first memory you have. Where you five, ten, three, or one years old? When is the earliest memory?
3- When you have gone back as far as you can to finding the very earliest memory-dig even DEEPER. Go back to even further memory if you can. If you cant then stay there and observe what was happening, where you were, who was there and don’t judge it. Let is be, just be the witness from above observing it.
4- Then, open your mind to something that happened just before that last memory. Something else was going on, something else was happening, something else before that last memory, maybe seconds before it, minutes before, hours before. Sit and let it come to you. Open yourself, open your heart and let that moments before your last memory come into focus. Let any resistance go. Completely let the image in. Take as long as it takes to shine the light on it..
5- When you find that “moment before”, you will see visions, you will see something you think you’ve never seen before, but there will be some familiarity to it, because it did happen. You just might find that you were being hugged, you were playing, you were happy, you were with your friends or doing something you really liked, or that your thoughts about happened, really didn’t happen the way you think, that its not really correct or true; its a comprised story. The truth of who you are is in the moments before that big event. If you look “before” that event, there is something there that will change your story.
Go back and find that loving kid full of joy and love, she’s there, she really is, and go hug her.
Maybe what happened was an accident. Maybe what happened wasn’t intentional, maybe they didn’t really know any better because of their own limited beliefs, their own messed up childhood and it’s not your fault. Maybe you were really loved. So sit with that with compassion. Compassion for them, and compassion for you. Why? because letting go of the burden, your sad story, so you can start loving yourself is what your heart needs. It what you need, and what those around you want for you. To be free.
Go find it. Why stay in your house, (of the mind)?
I do know this worked for me. I stopped feeling abandoned and unloved and not-good-enough. I regained self-love. All fo a sudden, everything I was already learning fell into place and I felt a deeper sense of belonging, self-love, joy and happiness. I was finally on the path I was so longing to find. I found that part of me that was taken away.
For those people who have suffered truly horrific experiences, I am deeply saddened and I have no idea how horribly you suffer, and my love and heart goes out to you completely. With love, may I suggest Ayahuasca at Rythmia, the first medically licensed ayahuasca retreat in the world, or some other reputable facility. It has helped so many people and its a far better alternative to toxic pharmaceuticals and continued suffering. But, please do the research, google it, watch people talk about it on youtube. Gerald Powell, the founder of Rythmia has a compelling story I recommend. Here is another amazing film I highly recommend, its called The Reality of Truth.
Notes on Rythmia: along with four Ayahuasca ceremonies, yoga twice a day, meditation, pranayama (breathing techniques), veg and vegan organic meals, and life coaching, its situated on beautiful private resort property.
Thank you for reading:)